{"id":76763,"date":"2020-07-28T11:06:30","date_gmt":"2020-07-28T11:06:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/?p=76763"},"modified":"2025-08-22T09:52:06","modified_gmt":"2025-08-22T09:52:06","slug":"how-to-deal-with-angry-customers-4-psychology-backed-tips","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-angry-customers-4-psychology-backed-tips\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Deal With Angry Customers \u2014 4 Psychology Backed Tips"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maybe you\u2019re not exactly a people person. Perhaps you\u2019re just not an angry people person. But when your job involves dealing with less-than-happy customers, you need to know how to respond.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It only takes one ordeal to cripple a business. The infamous \u201cUnited Breaks Guitars\u201d incident reportedly <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">cost the airline<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> a cool $180 million. That\u2019s not the type of thing any customer service rep wants to be responsible for. Luckily, it\u2019s not a risk you have to run, as it\u2019s certainly possible to keep your cool and bring even the most furious customers to calm.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let\u2019s begin by understanding what you\u2019re dealing with when facing an angry customer.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_68_1 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title \" >Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-angry-customers-4-psychology-backed-tips\/#Understanding_Anger\" title=\"Understanding Anger\">Understanding Anger<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-angry-customers-4-psychology-backed-tips\/#1_Practice_a_Philosophical_Approach\" title=\"1. Practice a Philosophical Approach\">1. Practice a Philosophical Approach<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-angry-customers-4-psychology-backed-tips\/#2_Calm_With_Questioning\" title=\"2. Calm With Questioning\">2. Calm With Questioning<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-angry-customers-4-psychology-backed-tips\/#3_Apologize_Where_Necessary\" title=\"3. Apologize Where Necessary\">3. Apologize Where Necessary<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-angry-customers-4-psychology-backed-tips\/#4_Alleviate_With_Justification\" title=\"4. Alleviate With Justification\">4. Alleviate With Justification<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Understanding_Anger\"><\/span><b>Understanding Anger<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why do we get angry? According to an evolutionary model known as the recalibration theory, anger is a \u201cbargaining emotion\u201d that arises when our brains deem something unfair. Then we pull an \u201cangry face\u201d to warn the other person that we mean business.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In doing so, we suggest the possibility of violence, which is meant to put us in a better position to get what we want. Since it\u2019s also a stress response, emotion, and reasoning don\u2019t function as well as usual, which is why angry people tend to be irrational.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s important to realize that most angry customers don\u2019t voice their frustration &#8211; they simply leave. Those who stay and share their annoyance, therefore, represent a valuable opportunity to learn and make things right. Here\u2019s how to do that.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1_Practice_a_Philosophical_Approach\"><\/span><b>1. Practice a Philosophical Approach<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When it comes to dealing with angry customers, a bit of philosophical wisdom can go a long way. You could follow the stoics of ancient Greece, who strived to let no pain or hardship end their peace. Or, you could become a Zen master who recognizes that it\u2019s not the event or person that causes your stress, but your reaction.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Consider it the fear of not being able to solve the problem, or rather calm down the customer. Of course, it\u2019s an irrational fear, as you\u2019re not responsible for the outcome &#8211; you can only try your best to make things right. And if you focus on doing that, you can let go of any stress.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That said, it\u2019s still important to maintain a sense of empathy and compassion for the customer. Putting yourself in their shoes can definitely help, as will remembering that they\u2019re not angry at you specifically.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2_Calm_With_Questioning\"><\/span><b>2. Calm With Questioning<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As you might have learned through experience, arguing with someone whose amygdala is up in flames is to no avail. Anger makes you incapable of listening to reason. There\u2019s no point in trying to tell the customer that their frustration is unfounded, even if it\u2019s objectively true.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even a calm mind isn\u2019t as easy to change as we would like to think. One thing that can help is self-affirmation or making the person feel good about themselves. This is where the questioning technique comes in handy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s as simple as asking the customer to explain what\u2019s frustrating them, with follow-up questions to help clarify the situation. This makes them feel that they are being listened to while also equipping you with valuable information. Questioning has the added benefit of bringing the customer back to a rational state of mind.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are a few more ways to make the customer feel better when speaking to them:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b>Use Their Name<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: Injecting their name into the conversation makes it feel more sincere and less formal.\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Smile When You Talk<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: Donning a more pleasant expression when you\u2019re on the phone helps your voice sound more kind and friendly.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Know Your Audience<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: Subtle mirroring can go a long way in making you more relatable. A New Yorker might want to get straight to the point, for example, while a Southerner will likely want to exchange pleasantries.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Let Them Vent<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: Nobody wants to be interrupted. Put yourself on mute while the client blows off steam.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3_Apologize_Where_Necessary\"><\/span><b>3. Apologize Where Necessary<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s unlikely that you\u2019re the cause of any anger-inducing problems that your customers might have. That makes explaining your involvement (or rather lack thereof) in causing the issue a natural response. But that\u2019s beside the point &#8211; especially when you\u2019re the face of the company.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember: if they don\u2019t hear an apology from you, they probably won\u2019t hear it from anyone else. It\u2019s, therefore, a good idea to provide one. This comes with an important side note:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Taking the blame when you shouldn\u2019t will appear as dubious as it is. If the company is to blame, then the apology should be aimed in that direction &#8211; not at yourself. But sometimes, it\u2019s the customer who\u2019s at fault. They might be furious that their new jacket shrunk in the washing machine. That\u2019s when the apology can look something like this:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cPlease accept my most sincere apologies for what happened to your jacket. I can understand your frustration.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You provide a genuine apology without accepting the blame.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4_Alleviate_With_Justification\"><\/span><b>4. Alleviate With Justification<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In one legendary study by Ellen Langer, a Harvard psychologist, the conditions under which people were willing to let someone push in at the photocopier were tested The results proved that justifying your request with a simple \u201cbecause\u201d greatly increased the likelihood of people allowing you to cut in line &#8211; even if the reason is borderline nonsensical.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can use this to your advantage when sharing something negative with the customer. Offering an explanation makes it difficult to get angry at the problem. This is particularly helpful after questioning.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Granted, your average customer isn\u2019t standing in line for a photocopy, so be sure to make your justification reasonable. You can\u2019t just say, \u201cbecause those are the rules.\u201d This highlights the importance of knowing what you\u2019re talking about. Having a deep understanding of the company and its product or service will equip you with a solid \u201cbecause.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As you can see, it\u2019s not impossible to turn almost any situation with an angry customer into a positive experience. With enough practice, you can ensure that anyone who comes in to voice their frustration leaves with a smile on their face and an interest in doing business with your company again.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Maybe you\u2019re not exactly a people person. Perhaps you\u2019re just not an angry people person. But when your job involves [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2121],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[2313,2322,2321,2320,2319,2318,2317,2316,2315,2314,268,2244,2169,2131,1248,395,369,330,329,309],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76763"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=76763"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76763\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":133502,"href":"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76763\/revisions\/133502"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=76763"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=76763"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=76763"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/intelligentbee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=76763"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}